Peace Out: Summer Break!!!

Don't be fooled this is hardly the end. Life can get busy from time to time and everything comes at once. Therefore every now and then it's good and relaxing to just sit back and take a much needed break. As evidenced by a slower slate of regular runs and um, half-assed efforts, Rupes and I have decided to take a quick breather. It's not quite an extended hiatus in the same breath as Phish. Rather, this is just a couple weeks to get caught up on things and chill out. Yup, were NOT, repeat NOT shutting down the doors.

Shit, Rupes is getting married in less than a month, so he's feeling about as spent as the Tigers bullpen. For me, it's just a casual vacation. Thanks for the support and fellowship of readers, that's all 5 of you still following. Anyhow, the plan is to pick this project back up where it started in a few weeks. So, hang tight and enjoy the magical summer of Detroit sports, while we say "peace out" for a few. A good weekend to all.

The Deciding Vote: What's a Better Show, Heroes or Lost?

So, after years of talking shit about Lost being the best television show of all time and spitting phooey at Heroes fans, I finally succumbed to the pressure. Well, as you may expect, consider me converted. It's is a veritable force in TV Land and is in fact a worthy adversary for the noble title of the best TV show of all time. And do not get me wrong, this is not a title I throw around lightly. The only other shows that even received votes were 24 and Duck Tales, but they didn't get many. Anyway, now that I am adequately addicted to both shows, it's time to decide which one is the best. We'll use the standard categories for which all shows and movies should be ranked and declare a winner.

Badasses

We'll I used to think Lost had a few more, but both Locke has turned into a raging vag, which only leaves Desmond, Hurley, and Sawyer. Desmond isn't getting much airtime and Sawyer is relatively annoying even though his nicknames are sorta funny. Fortunately, Hurley and his epic VW scene raised the bar substantially.

Fortunately for Lost, the only real badass on Heroes is Hiro Nakamura, who is nearly badass enough to wipeout the whole Lost Island, but his supporting is worse than LeBron's. Peter Petrelli is tolerable and Ando like Internet strippers, but this one goes to Lost.

Lost: +1

Eye Candy

Lost should probably be able to squeeze this out solely based on the size of the cast, but there aren't any ringers. Kate is streaky as hell and too short, but definitely packs the most punch. Claire, Sun, Juliet, and the rest of them all fall somewhere between OK and bunk. I had really high hopes for Alex, but she's deader than a Virgin Records store.

Heroes may not have the numbers, but they have some real draws. Between Ali Larter and Hayden Panetierre, the rest is icing. Don't get me wrong, there's a few others of note, but who cares. This one is already in the bag.

Heroes: +1

Storyline:

Let's see, plane crashes, nobody dies, black smoky thing flies around, the island moves, some werid dude named Jacob has a cabin, unpregnant women reproduce, and magnets are important?

Or, a select group of humans represent the next link in the evolution of the human race. As natural selection takes it's course, these individuals must face off against natural selection to save the human race?

Heroes: +1

Fluff:

Perhaps it is true what they say, that the producers of Lost never told the writers how many seasons they had to go, hence that's the reason for so many fluff episodes over the years, but gimme a break. Every second episode from season two through four was a total dud. How many freaking characters can mysteriously show up on a deserted island? Heroes brings the heat every week.

Heroes: +1

Annoying Little Bitches

This is another tough battle. Lost has Locke, Jack, Benry (counts as about 15), and Claire with her stupid baby. Juliet is guilty as well, simply because she just won't get hot. It seems like she is going to, but can't quite make the move.

Heroes possesses no shortage either. We have Sylar, Mr. Bennett, Mohinder, and my least favorite of all, Mikah. Man do I hate Mikah. Any kid in a movie who tries to act old drives me nuts. I'm looking at you Haley Joel Osment.

Lost: +1

Character Development:

Lost owns this one, no contest. In fact, this category illustrates an area where Heroes actually tried to rip out a page from Lost's book, but doesn't do it quite as well, the flash forward. The Lost flashbacks and flash forwards are writing brilliance and are a good reason why this show kicks so much ass. Brilliant.

Lost: +1

Staying Power:

Lost is 5 seasons deep and still going strong, yet Heroes is just two deep and showing signs of cracking. Gotta go with Lost here.

And The Winner Is...

Lost wins, but only by one vote and it was close.

The real deciding vote comes after they both end, so this thing is not yet finished.

Life Imitates Art - Why Athletes Cheat

Here's one from the vault. Between work, matrimonial preparations, and summer laziness, we're a little slow these days.

Whether it be the meteoric rise of popularity for gangsta rap, the glamorization violence and drugs in the movies, or overtly sexual television shows marketed to teenagers, there exists a longstanding strong debate that kids imitate what the see in the media. Many people strongly believe that these mainstays of popular culture are influencing the nation's youth to have premarital sex, use drugs, speak fowl dialects, and even carry- or worse - use guns. It's an argument that wage forever as soccer moms and haters of the first amendment fight their perpetual war on "explicit content." While we're clearly all for free speech around here, but they do make a decent enough point. If kids witness this stuff on television and in the media, it normalizes to some extent and does in fact even glamorize it.

For the sake of this writing, let's just assume that these people are right. What we see on the media does in fact shape our behaviors and influence our society to behave like these pop culture icons. Perhaps, another example should be included in the debate that life imitates art. Given all of the cheating that goes on in sports movies, how can we not expect the same from our professional athletes? We have all grown up watching one sports movie after another here our hero of the story is a cheater. They not only make us root for the hero, but they go as far as to make the cheater the underdog in many cases.

It pretty much seems as though we hear about another cheater in pro sports everyday, whether it be Human Growth Hormone, Spygate, or other performance enhancing drugs, we should expect this. Just think about it, we have been inundated with the glory of cheating since the beginning of time. Hollywood loves and cheater, so why are we surprised to see real pros imitating those on the big screen. Just think back to all of your favorite sports movies - all cheaters.

Flubber - If any movie has ever glamorized cheating, Flubber would have to take the prize. Flubber is a scientifically concocted super substance by the absent minded professor that is essentially really bouncy. Thus, when you applied it to the shoes, you could get mad air. Even back in 1961, these super white basketball players were skying for dunks like Tom Chambers.

Be Like Mike - Another example of shoe cheating. I think since the 80's and early 90's, instances of shoe cheating have declined rapidly, but it's still a concern. In this instance, Calvin Cambridge hid the powers of the greatest basketball player in NBA history, Michael Jordan, in his shoes.

Angels in the Outfield - I think this might have been what Dock Ellis was doing when he tossed his No-No on acid. In this movie, the Angels were aided by imaginary angels that would lift them up and fly them over to tough fly balls to make key plays. They try to play it off like angels are good because they are from heaven and shit, but it's still cheating.

Happy Gilmore - Again, tough break underdog has to save grandma's house. Cry me a river. Every cheater has a story. Sure, I had a prescription for the HGH, because I have a pituitary gland problem. Hmmmm, so your online dentist prescribed you medicine for a pituitary deficiency? Well, same thing here. Just because you suck at hockey and have to help out grandma, doesn't mean you can use an illegal swing, running start, and a putter for the mentally ill.

Ladybugs - This is pretty sick. What kind of pervert dresses up like a girl to join an all girls soccer team. Sure, we'd all love to hang around the girls locker room and dress in cute pink panties, but there are lines you just don't cross.

Rookie of the Year - This kid couldn't even wait until he was an adult to cheat in the major leagues, he cheated at age 10. I can't blame him for the determination, but undergoing a medical operation to enhance arm strength is going too far to put a little more mustard on the Red Hot. Come on kids, with a balanced diet, a good weight room regimen, and good coaching, you can make the bigs without cheating.

The Mighty Ducks - Taking kids from other school districts and homeless drifters off the street? What's next, buying houses for athletes' families, high school recruiting, and shady "academic" scholarships? Oh wait, nevermind. Too late.

Teen Wolf - Just because Scott was not the most popular guy in school and the team was down on their luck, does not mean that a potentially violent werewolf with superhuman jumping ability, fangs, and sharp talons should be allowed to compete. That wolf was a loose cannon - spotted around town buying kegs for underage beer parties and surfing on top of motor vehicles. Besides, it's bad enough playing D against fat sweaty men, but a hairy wolf? That's unfair.

The Program - Lattimer was straight up junk. He cheated the most common way, injecting steroids. Nevertheless, we saw that by taking steroids you can get laid and then dwarf toss the girl when you're done to get her the fuck out. This is a glamorization of steroids of sorts as no men really want to cuddle after some hot action, so steroids apparently take care of that problem.

Gus - In this blatant violation of rules, the California Atoms employed a mule/mascot to kick field goals. According to the NFL Rule, Atricle XVII.3 - NFL players must be under all occasions upright standing Homo Sapiens with no more than two legs. Hooves are not means permitted. Despite a long litigious battle, it was however determined that feet with no toes are not considered hooves and may be used in field goal tries.

GoWF Sports Book Review

Today, we'd like to provide some review snippets for a handful of sports book we've read in the past few months. None of them are hot of the presses, but all are at least worthy of adding to your paperback collection.
The Blind Side, By Michael Lewis

Grade: A+

The Blind Side is Michael Lewis best sports book yet. The depth of homework we saw in the form of numbers and the history of Sabermetrics in Moneyball, translates to deep emotional connections within a family who raises a tragically poor offensive lineman in East Memphis. While learning of this touching story of Michael Oher, you take a deep look into the world of college football recruiting, but it never reads like a study in football. It reads like a great novel that just happens to teach you about college football.

The Education of a Coach, by David Halberstam

Grade: B

Ironically, this biography of Bill Belichick focuses a vast amount of it's pages detailing Belichick's obsession with video. Halberstam drills into the reader the monotonous hours of pouring over game film for 70-80 hours per week. This is where his greatness comes from according to Halberstam. Hmmmm, at the time of writing this was probably viewed much more complementary, but it just makes you laugh. Spygate anyone? Nevertheless, any serious football fan will appreciate hearing how Belichick ticks and importantly, how he broke his way into the inner circle of coaching.

Alice Cooper, Golf Monster: A Rock n Rollers 12 Steps to Becoming a Golf Addict, by Alice Cooper

Grade: B-

I picked this book up and starting perusing it in Barnes & Noble and started reading one day while my girlfriend was shopping next door. I got to thirteen pages, where I read these three lines and went straight to the checkout.

In our family, there three basic rules:

1. You had to be a democrat
2. You had to pull for the Tigers and Michigan Wolverines
3. You had to be American League

It turned out the be a good decision. Overall, I really enjoyed Alice's first novel. If you asked me at any point up until I reached the halfway point, I would have said it's an easy A. It starts off with great tales of his development into a wild man rock star, his live chicken antics, and encounters with the hard partying LA 60s scene, and even sharing a house with Pink Floyd.

Ultimately, this grows a little tiring unfortunately. Alice's attempt to continually make golf/rock comparisons gets really old after the 76th "In golf, as in rock n' roll" and that burst out of the gate ultimately sputters to the finish. His point is valid, that golf is his addiction and it saved his lifefrom his alcoholoism, but he simply overkills it. Still, this a fun book to read if you a fan of 1) Alice Cooper, 2) Rock History, or 3) golf. I classify only as #2 on that list and I still enjoyed the read. Don't expect to move mountains, but excpect to be entertained for a day on the beach.

Moneyball, by Michael Lewis

Grade: A-

Yeah, I just finally got around to reading this. You all know the story here. This is the book that really put sabermetrics on the map and furthered the cause for more precise statistical analysis in evaluating MLB prospect potential and likelihood for success. Michael Lewis is one of a kind. The depth of research in his books is truly striking. By the time you finish this book, you know Billy Beane personally. Shit, you practically know where Paul stores his excel files on his laptop. You also somehow root for the math geeks to overrun Major League Baseball. Overall, if you're like me and one of the 8 sports fans who has not read this yet, it really is a must read.

Ever Heard of a Helmet?

OK, We Really Want Boston!

On second thought…why not Boston? After all this is the same franchise that literally stole the 1987 Eastern Conference Finals from the Pistons, only to get smoked in the NBA Finals by the Lakers. Let me refresh your memory: “there’s as steal by Bird, underneath to D.J and he lays it in.” Yup, that play-by-play call is more haunting than any so-called “ghost of the Garden” many a young Piston fan would always hear about growing up. Regardless, the Celtics were our original hurdle, the original obstacle to overcome. They were the proverbial fork in the road that would ultimately re-shape the Pistons franchise and eventually lead to the Pistons winning Back-II-Back titles.

As much as I grew up despising the Celtics, it’s evident that Isiah and company needed the Celtics as a roadblock in order to climb the mountain. They were better for it and it made the taste of victory that much sweeter. To conquer the beast has always been more gratifying in Sports than anything else. Years later, Jordan had to beat the Pistons to clear his own path to destiny. You could even argue that last season LeBron James was brushing aside the Pistons as his own roadblock.

Anyhow, the present tense Celtics team is hardly a tradition. As much as Kevin Garnett would love for everyone to believe who woke up bleeding Celtic pride, it’s still a heap of bull shit if you ask me. The chest pounding, the psychotic stare and jersey popping…it’s all just a fucking show. Sadly enough, Garnett’s insistent talk about “what it would mean to win” and yada yada yada has turned me off to ever rooting for the guy again. I hope anybody, but Garnett wins for the simple spite of it all. The Gatorade commercial would lead you to believe he’s a life long Celtic who transcends the franchise and hung a shit load of banners in the rafters. Good god, KG…give it a rest, nobody can stand you anymore.

Where was I? Right, this current Celtics regime is hardly the Celtics of old. However, it’d hard not to turn on the memory flood when you think about all the classic Pistons/Celtics battles of the 80’s. The fights, the punches, the elbows…all the essentials of two teams that hated each other. And the games were simply phenomenal to watch. Sure, I hated Bird, Ainge, Parish, McHale and the whole Celtic roster, but like any rivalry…we needed them as much as they needed us.

If the teams meet, it will hardly be the days of old. However, there will still be something to prove. The Pistons have always thrived in the under dog, "nobody respects us card." It's when they are the favorites that they've tended to gag on their own press clippings. Well, considering we all had to suffer through an entire season of Celtic BJ-fest...I'd say the Pistons will certainly have a chip. For the first time in years the Pistons were able to hover and stay off the radar. Of course, the Celtics completely hogged the spotlight, but that's all just fine.

Rasheed Wallace mentioned that a Championship team can't be made in the off-season, it takes a team going to war together. Judging from what we've seen from the Celtics during the post-season...they may be a year away and um...a war away. That's just what we could expect...a seven game war. Maybe not quite like the old days, but damn close. Here's to rekindling a rivalry and stamping out any hopes that jackass Garnett has for a Championship. Why not? bring it on Celtics.

Things That Are Impossible To Look Cool While Doing #5

Tripping Over A Crack In the Sidewalk

It's hard to gauge which situation is more awkward, the mid-conversation with the colleagues biff where everyone consoles you and asks if you are alright or the solo stub where you have nobody to even react to your spastic walking habits besides people just looking at you with a grimace. At least with the mid-conversation biff you can laugh at yourself and change the subject, so I'd say it's the solo stub. Either way, you go to the penalty box and you feel shame.

We Want Cleveland!

Yup, that’s right. This Eastern Conference Finals thing has gone beyond just the norm; it’s simply a foregone conclusion. It’s the inherited right of the Detroit Pistons and us the fans. Despite how the presses continue to spin the eventual demise of Detroit Basketball; Joe Dumars just keeps breathing new life into the legacy of this era. Then again, just what is the legacy of this era of Detroit Basketball? We’ve cemented our place and reputation under the model of consistency. Yet, when is good simply not good enough?

When you stop and think about it, the Pistons still only have one Championship banner hanging from this era, although perhaps were just a Robert Horry triple away from hanging a second. Watching that banner slip through the finger tips served to invigorate this group with the hopes and expectations to ascend to the throne once again. However, the flip side has merely resulted in the Pistons transforming into the NBA’s version of the Atlanta Braves. Always close enough to sniff the perfume or get the phone number, but never quite good enough to get the chick in bed.

The difference within the Pistons is success has bred altered perceptions. That is in the sense of the players themselves, losing the chip on their shoulders and their edge at times. Essentially, turning off the gas pedal and not giving a worthy opponent their due respect. You may have heard something along those lines referred to as “flipping the switch.” It’s been the mantra or dare I say excuse for this group ever since they came so close to clinching title #2 during Game 7 at San Antonio in 2005. In fewer words, they’ve had this preconceived notion that simply deserved and belonged in the NBA Finals.

Well, that hasn’t happened recently and the Stones can only blame themselves for those shortcomings. The Pistons let Miami slip past them in 2006, because of internal chemistry reaching a melting point. Last season, the Pistons dissed Cleveland at every turn of the corner, failed to acknowledge the worthy challenge, let a rookie reign on their parade and before you knew it fell victim to a virtuoso LeBron performance in Game 5. Joe Dumars made it abundantly clear at the onset of this post-season that anything less than the NBA Finals would be a failure after letting two golden opportunities evaporate.

So, here we are back in the Eastern Conference Finals and opportunity is knocking on the door once again. Insert Cleveland. Yes, that’s right…we want the Cavs in all their glory. We want the Cavs to dispel the bitterness of last season, to prove it was a fluke. To prove that we are still hungry, to prove that we can “flip the switch” and to close the door on an inferior opponent. And let’s face it; the Pistons had ever opportunity to close the door on the Cavs last season.

As per usual they cockily strutted into Cleveland for Games 3 & 4, ironically though they had every conceivable chance to win both games. However, it was LeBron and some dude the Cleveland fans were calling “Boobie” that put the closing moves on the Pistons, instead of vice versa. If we’d learned anything up those games, it was always the Pistons who were known for closing games down the stretch. Questions of turmoil began to fester and it was much too late for the Pistons to regroup by the time LeBron unleashed his performance for the ages. The Pistons simply couldn’t recover, nor did it seem as if they had the urgency to recover.

They looked for scapegoats, looked to blame officials, began with “we’re tired” excuses, basically anything to avoid acknowledging that they had been outdone by a King and his jesters. Many will point to LeBron’s dunk over Sheed near the end of Game 3 that changed the tide of the series and they are probably correct. However, weren’t the Pistons supposed to be the veteran group that could move on and re-group? Well, enough about hammering on what happened last year, fast forward to the present.

The Pistons are better than the Cavs, bottom line. Sure, the Cavs have LeBron who is hands down the most dangerous player on the court at any given time. However, no offense to the Cavs roster, but the odor lingers like a stale fart. Seriously, you have to be delusional not to think otherwise. It’s not meant to be a slight or geared to enrage the “Rise Up” nation. Rather, it’s an honest observation and argument that I’ve had plenty of times with my buddies who live solely for the entity that is LeBron James and Cleveland.

How LeBron James is able to fend off the urge to demand an upgrade is beyond me. He’s hardly playing with a stacked deck of cards, as Kobe now can boast. LeBron is fascinating, a made prodigy come true and he’s dragged this cast of misfits damn close to the finish line. You just have to ask yourself; would any of these guys start for any other team remaining in the Playoffs? I rest my case.

That all said…Cleveland has done everything to copy the model of the Pistons. From building around defense and cast-offs to arena antics. They even have their own pseudo “Mason” as the PA announcer. The player introductions are something Dan Gilbert has practically replicated from Detroit. It’s comical that this Detroit business man has pulled out all the similar theatrics of the Pistons. I can’t wait for the day we hear the chant “CLEVELAND BASKETBALL!!!” The Cavs even plucked longtime Detroit Sports Net announcer Fred McLeod.

In actuality, all these things are great, because they spill over into the ongoing rivalry. And despite what Rasheed Wallace would like to believe this is indeed a rivalry. This time around the Pistons will come with something to prove. There will be no excuses and no worries of taking the Cavs for granted. It’s almost as if we need the Cavs, as much as they want us. The motivation, the hunger it’s all there and we all know Sheed is more than ready to challenge his old buddy Ben Wallace. Is it enough to ensure a guarantee the Pistons will prevail this time around?

Absolutely not. As long as LeBron James looms over this series, there should always be fear. However, that’s not to say we don’t want the Cavs. Shit, Piston fans have been waiting almost 365 days for a chance to rectify the situation. This is what we want and we want it bad. So, here’s to pulling for Cleveland to "rise up" and finish off the Celtics, giving us all a refreshing dose of this rivalry. Bring it on Cavs.

Things That Are Impossible To Look Cool While Doing #4

Getting Strip Searched

You might not believe me when I tell you this, but I speak from experience here. It's true, my friends and I had to get naked on the way to Canada once over a college spring break. Fortunately, we were clean as the floor in a West Village Taco Bell. Nevertheless, once you have been strip searched, you're changed. Contrary to popular belief, there is actually no probing, but the the inspectors do stand behind a table (yep, there's 2 of em) and instruct you to remove each piece of clothing one at time and then place it on the table. Upon massaging every single article of clothing, they kindly send you on your way for a nice three hours of silence in the car before you realize you just just wrote one of the better stories in your personal storybook.

Badly-Concieved Sports Movies

With Tom Cruise's movie "Valkyrie" being postponed until 2009 due to production problems and lackluster test audience response, you've really got to wonder who thought a movie about Hitler's assassination was a good idea.

The only way you can do a good Nazi movie is just have Harrison Ford kick the crap out of large bald German men who end up getting chopped up by an airplane propeller. Anything other than that is just stupid.

Also, for Tom to do a movie like this, with all the "credibility" problems he's been having, it's just a rotten cherry on top.

And that got me thinking about movie ideas, sports movies in particular, and ideas that just shouldn't be green lighted for production.

The Roger Clemens Story

The guest appearance from Hanna Montana's lead star might be a little much.

Rudy 2: The 2007 Notre Dame Irish

With Hank Hill from "King of the Hill" playing Charlie Weis, this would prove to be one of the most depressing over-dog movies of all-time.

Danica Patrick: Racing for Gold

... and running into pit crew members.

O.J. Simpson's "I Did It" in movie form

Once again, O.J. keeps managing to prove his innocence.

Art Shell: A Coaching Story

The problem would be coming up with an actor that could look perpetually confused for two straight hours on film.

The 2004 Seattle Mariners

Watch this epic film about how the Mariners avoided losing 100 games by losing 99 games instead.

The Marv Albert Story

Please god, no.

Why the Miami Dolphins suck

Could rival the Lord of the Rings trilogy as the longest movie of all time. It would be a comedy of course, staring Fran Drescher as Bill Parcells.

For more posts from the man with the van, stop by Just South of North.